What is a Langkah?

Langkah (Indonesian) - noun: literally step, move, pace, action, measure, stride, leap, foot, footstep, gesture, tread, footpace

In Indonesian martial arts, Pencak Silat, it commonly refers to geometric patterns on the floor used to train footwork and develop an understanding of the role of the lower body in maintaining balance and a base from which to generate power.

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Friday, September 22, 2017

NCIS: Abby and McGee

In March, I wrote a blog post about how much I love the portrayal of the relationship between Penelope Garcia and Derek Morgan on Criminal Minds.

Criminal Minds: Morgan and Garcia

Now I want to write about another great relationship on TV. This time, it's Abby Sciuto and Tim McGee. What I love about them is that they did date (or something like it) in season 1. From there, they had some rough spots in their relationship but, in the long run, they became best friends.

That kind of friendship is amazing. I enjoy something similar with two of my three ex-girlfriends. Judith, my first girlfriend, and I are, at this point, pen pals. She lives in the Netherlands and, well, I live a lot of places but not there. We don't talk frequently, but we have a strong relationship.

Kristyn and I, though, are the closest example to Abby and McGee. Kristyn and I dated for about six months. She broke up with me not long after my twenty-first birthday. We remained friends, though it was a little uncertain at first.

Now, we are close friends. We don't talk frequently outside of Facebook but I visit her two or three times a year, and I consider her a dear friend.

People like Abby and McGee, and like me and Kristyn, share an interesting bond. For me and Kristyn, we dated during a pivotal time in each of our lives. We helped each other through some rough patches.

When I think back on it, I think, "Six months? How could so much have happened in six month?" But it did. I think that's the nature of youth.

I lost my virginity at seventeen and settled into a completely monogamous relationship with Margaret at twenty-three, and we married when I was twenty-five.

In the six, nearly seven, years between seventeen and twenty-three, so much happened. When I look back on it, I wonder how I packed so many crucial moments into such a short time span. Of course, at twenty-three, seven years represented nearly a third of my life, and now it's less than a sixth. Time's a funny thing, huh?

About a month before she broke up with me, Kristyn and I discussed marriage. Not in the "let's consider this" way but, rather, in the vein of "we might consider this some day, so let's make sure there's some feasibility to it." Had my relationship with Margaret gone sideways, I would likely have wound up back with Kristyn.

In fact, not long after Margaret and I started dating, Kristyn and I discussed the possibility of getting back together. I told her, "Well, you know, I just started dating Margaret, and it seems good. If it runs off the rails, though, we'll revisit this conversation." Obviously, Margaret and I never ran off the rails.

The point I'm approaching, though, is this: when people date, even for a short time, and they love each other, they share so much of themselves it becomes impossible to completely extricate from each other. Yes, you may never talk again but, from time to time, you'll still wonder how that person's doing.

The bond remains whether a relationship persists or not. I think, though, it's beautiful when the romantic relationship bridges the gap to friendship. Continuing to have that person, who you shared those intimacies with, in your life is powerful and, in the case of healthy relationships all the way around, I think it strengthens future relationships with other people.

Kristyn and I attended each other's weddings, and we talked about her problems after her divorce. She and my brother had been friends and, in fact, had dated briefly. After his death, we worked as a sort of emotional three-legged racing team where we supported each other at various points.

Seeing a relationship like that portrayed on TV is great. Showing people it is possible to remain friends and, in fact, grow together after the romantic relationship is powerful.


The Wandering Guru